But then I had to pee.

Sometime between 1:30 and 3 a.m. I usually wake up to find Truman snuggled in the crook of my right arm and Tesla purring away on my chest. It is, needless to say, adorable. I don't mind being woken up to pet my boys, because for the ten minutes before they get tired of it and jump off the bed, all is right with the world. Except last night. Because last night I had to pee. Really badly. But I didn't want to disturb the kittens. So I waited, in agony, until they moved on, then immediately sprung out of bed and raced for the bathroom. Where they followed me so I could pet them while on the toilet because they like to listen to me pee, apparently. They come running every time. It's nice to have company.



Truman sleeping in my t-shirt drawer because he can.





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In THIS body

(Note-none of these photos are of me) Via

Truth: my body is healthy

Truth: sometimes I hate it.

Some days I feel extra puffy, too curvy, overweight, disgusted with myself. Some days I feel healthy, strong, fit and happy. There's no constant to how I feel about my body, really, and I know a lot of others who feel the same way. I don't know how to relate to my physical being. If I tell my boyfriend I'm unhappy with my body, he offers suggestions of how I can make changes to become happy. This is not a flaw on his part. I present a problem, he presents a solution. The disconnect is that the real problem, as I see it, is not my body itself. I could work out more, eat less, lose weight, sure I could, I have. But that's not a solution, because my body isn't the problem.

No, the real problem is that I know that even if I did those things, my thoughts wouldn't change. There will always be things to dislike. I am too short, curvy by nature, while I enjoy the tall and lithe. I have stretch marks on my thighs-never mind that they come from the growth of muscle I experienced as a competitive figure skater, something arguably healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. My nose will always have a bump, my hair won't lay right. There will always be days where I can't stand to see myself in the mirror and days where I think dang, I look hot this morning. 

The problem isn't physical. So how can I fix it?

I don't know if I ever will "fix" it. But I am trying to wake up every day and learn to find contentment in THIS body. THIS body that I have right this minute. Whether I wake up feeling ugly or wake up feeling beautiful, my actual body is the same, and my ability to live in it and live a worthwhile day is not affected.

Via

And you know what?

In THIS body I earned three university degrees.

In THIS body I met and fell in love with my fiance.

In THIS body I have traveled the U.S. THIS body has climbed mountains, swam in oceans, hiked trails, camped out, skied, skated.

In THIS body I have loved, hated, given, taken, helped, harmed, learned, read, hoped, dreamed and been...happy.

In THIS body I have lived and like it or not in THIS body I will die. I wouldn't trade the body I have for a different one if it meant living a different life. 

No. In THIS body I will be content. In THIS body I will be happy. I won't always wake up loving myself, but whether I feel ugly or beautiful, I will remind myself each morning to be happy in THIS body and to love THIS body that enables me to live the life I love. I will treat my body with care, and if it is healthy, then that will be enough.

Via

*All of the above images are from the "Beautiful Body" project by Jade Beall. I encourage you to check our her website for essays and images of people finding beauty in their bodies just the way they already are.

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