But then I had to pee.

Sometime between 1:30 and 3 a.m. I usually wake up to find Truman snuggled in the crook of my right arm and Tesla purring away on my chest. It is, needless to say, adorable. I don't mind being woken up to pet my boys, because for the ten minutes before they get tired of it and jump off the bed, all is right with the world. Except last night. Because last night I had to pee. Really badly. But I didn't want to disturb the kittens. So I waited, in agony, until they moved on, then immediately sprung out of bed and raced for the bathroom. Where they followed me so I could pet them while on the toilet because they like to listen to me pee, apparently. They come running every time. It's nice to have company.



Truman sleeping in my t-shirt drawer because he can.





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In THIS body

(Note-none of these photos are of me) Via

Truth: my body is healthy

Truth: sometimes I hate it.

Some days I feel extra puffy, too curvy, overweight, disgusted with myself. Some days I feel healthy, strong, fit and happy. There's no constant to how I feel about my body, really, and I know a lot of others who feel the same way. I don't know how to relate to my physical being. If I tell my boyfriend I'm unhappy with my body, he offers suggestions of how I can make changes to become happy. This is not a flaw on his part. I present a problem, he presents a solution. The disconnect is that the real problem, as I see it, is not my body itself. I could work out more, eat less, lose weight, sure I could, I have. But that's not a solution, because my body isn't the problem.

No, the real problem is that I know that even if I did those things, my thoughts wouldn't change. There will always be things to dislike. I am too short, curvy by nature, while I enjoy the tall and lithe. I have stretch marks on my thighs-never mind that they come from the growth of muscle I experienced as a competitive figure skater, something arguably healthy and nothing to be ashamed of. My nose will always have a bump, my hair won't lay right. There will always be days where I can't stand to see myself in the mirror and days where I think dang, I look hot this morning. 

The problem isn't physical. So how can I fix it?

I don't know if I ever will "fix" it. But I am trying to wake up every day and learn to find contentment in THIS body. THIS body that I have right this minute. Whether I wake up feeling ugly or wake up feeling beautiful, my actual body is the same, and my ability to live in it and live a worthwhile day is not affected.

Via

And you know what?

In THIS body I earned three university degrees.

In THIS body I met and fell in love with my fiance.

In THIS body I have traveled the U.S. THIS body has climbed mountains, swam in oceans, hiked trails, camped out, skied, skated.

In THIS body I have loved, hated, given, taken, helped, harmed, learned, read, hoped, dreamed and been...happy.

In THIS body I have lived and like it or not in THIS body I will die. I wouldn't trade the body I have for a different one if it meant living a different life. 

No. In THIS body I will be content. In THIS body I will be happy. I won't always wake up loving myself, but whether I feel ugly or beautiful, I will remind myself each morning to be happy in THIS body and to love THIS body that enables me to live the life I love. I will treat my body with care, and if it is healthy, then that will be enough.

Via

*All of the above images are from the "Beautiful Body" project by Jade Beall. I encourage you to check our her website for essays and images of people finding beauty in their bodies just the way they already are.

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Where I have been.

I haven't been posting lately because nothing fun has been happening. This is because I work on contracts, and I have been waiting for my next contract to be ready since mid-October. This means that I have been on forced staycation for a month and a half. 

Pros: I know I am getting another contract, so I don't have the same fears as someone who is unemployed.

Cons: I refuse to go anywhere or do anything fun because most of that costs money, and since I am not currently getting a paycheck, I am trying to live as frugally as possible.

Now, many of us wish for a month-long vacation from work. I know I will again when I'm back. However, it has a way of making one feel guilty, lazy, and eventually, bored.

As proof, I submit this list of things I have done since I've been home:

1. Slept til noon more often than I care to admit.

2. Deep-cleaned the entire apartment (I cleaned the walls. I did that.)

3. Told my cats multiple times that they are my best friends.

4. Caved and read Fifty Shades of Grey. Then bought the rest of the trilogy.

5. Painted my fingernails (I hate wearing nail polish on my fingernails.)

6. Forced myself to get out of the apartment once a day to at least go to the gym.

7. Scrapbooked.

8. Checked e-mail and Facebook obsessively.

9. Gotten my Christmas shopping done way early.

10. Taken many many photos of my cats. See below.

And that is a current summation of my life.

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A Message from the Greatest Generation (NSFW)

I know this is a little late, but let us consider it a celebration that the candidate I voted for won. Also, who doesn't love foul-mouthed elderly people?

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Apples to apples.

 We rented a gorgeous house in the Shenandoah Valley (except that it was on top of a mountain and not in the valley) for the weekend with some of my awesome museum peeps.

In the morning there was lots of fog, but otherwise the view out these windows was amazing.

Our mountain-retreat cum beach-shanty.

We spent our Saturday picking apples, eating apple-cider donuts, napping, and cooking up a delicious fall feast with a roast and vegetables and home-made pumpkin pie (in reality, so my co-worker's wife did all the cooking and I just ate).

In the evening we ran around the yard, played board games and laughed at ourselves.

 Now I'm sitting on my couch with all the lights on, the TV blaring and the computer running so I can make the best of my electricity before Sandy takes it out. See you all on the other side.

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Awesome Grandmas.

This last weekend B and I went camping with my grandparents. When we got to the campsite, my grandmother was inside her camper reading. I asked her what she was reading, as she's not really a "reader" per se. Her response?

Fifty Shades of Gray.

My 73 year old grandmother is reading Fifty Shades of Gray. 

Me: "What? Mom-Mom!"

Her: "I didn't know what it was about when I bought it! I just knew that it was a best-seller. Don't tell your grandfather what it's about."

She seemed scandalized, however...I noticed she continued reading it throughout the weekend. Then she offered to give it to me when she was done because, as she says "You might learn something."

I love her.

Other prettiness from the weekend:

I haven't been posting much lately because honestly, I just haven't been feeling it. I want to make sure I only post when I want to and this doesn't become some sort of obligation that I start to hate. And that I'm not getting boring and documenting what I had for lunch, etc. So I'm only going to post things that I find amusing, things that I want to remember, and cool pictures. I'm not going to worry about doing so on a schedule, especially since not many people read anyway. That being said, if you do read this...I hope you enjoy it.

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If men could get pregnant, abortion clinics would be like a Starbucks...

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