Last night at the gym I finished my sets of dead lifts, put
away my bar and plates, and was stretching out my back when a guy came up to me
and said, “You’re like, the only girl who dead lifts.” I responded that that
wasn't true, and that I’d seen a few here at the small gym where we both were.
He said, “By a few, you mean like, one. Good for you.” At first I was
flattered. I even said thank you to the guy. And then later, just long enough
later that it was too late to really say anything else, I was like, wait a
minute! That was some sexism! Worse,
that was some of the most insidious kind of sexism, the kind couched in a
supposed compliment, the kind that gets into your psyche and even encourages
you to think the same way for a minute. I mean, who doesn't want to think that
they’re special? Or unique? Or that they do something that others can’t/won’t? It
took me a minute to shake off that feeling, and to realize that yes, I was
proud of myself, but because I had accomplished a personal goal, not because I
was somehow “better” than any other women who may or may not choose to
dead lift. I wish I had had the presence of mind to say something along the
lines of, “Do you realize that your “compliment” is perpetuating sexism by
espousing the idea that women’s achievements are anomalies and not the norm?”
or, “I’m guessing it isn't intentional, but your comment is actually incredibly
sexist in assuming that, because you haven’t seen them in this very small gym,
women (or ‘girls’ as you put it) don’t dead lift.”
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| Don't tell me women don't dead lift. Via |
Let’s not do this, OK? Let’s all make an effort to rethink
the things we say so casually, to realize that even if we believe in gender
equality, little statements like, “you’re the only girl who dead lifts” or “we
have a boy in our ballet class, good for him!” aren't necessarily compliments.
They are also an implicit gendering of activities. People will probably say
that I am overreacting, or being touchy or even bitchy. But the truth is, it’s
these kinds of statements that keep sexism alive. They quietly reinforce
gendered ideas before we even realize that they aren't compliments. And if we
never realize that they aren't compliments, even if that was how they were
intended, then those gendered ideas sink into our brains and slowly become part
of who we are. We can’t let that happen. We all have to make an effort to stop.
